Oh The Horror
by Penguin Patrol
Summary: When the author is daring enough to submit a generically generic story about a horrifyingly horrific original character from a show she really doesn't even watch, you know there's some sort of dedication..Well, not really..It's a laughable story atleast?:
1. Chapter 1

_BE GENTLE THIS IS MY FIRST STORY LOL KAYTHANKS GO READ NOW_

* * *

"Class, this is Kaylee Parker, she's just moved here and all I ask is that you welcome her with open arms." Mr.Garrison announced, giving Kaylee a little shove forward, towards her seat. Almost every boy in the class gaped at the girl in front of them, and the girls wrinkled their noses in disgust.

Kaylee was a sight, to say in the least. She looked as if she had just escaped a dreadful plight. Kaylee Parker must had come from a very, very bad place indeed.

At first glance, she looked like a missing link. And after about two hundred double takes, and a very good eye, you could see an eight year old girl underneath the layers of filth and facial distortions.

To start, Kaylee eyes were crossed in an odd manner, and to make matters worse, her eyes, lips, and nose were perched high atop her brow. She had also probably never thought of taking a razor and shaving cream to her entire face, either. It truly was an appalling sight.

Her greasy brown hair was tied in a messy ponytail, the rest of which was placed carelessly inside of a red baseball cap. No one had mentioned to Kaylee that she looked awful in orange either. _Looked awful in anything was more like it.._

Before taking a seat, she graced everyone's retinas with a huge smile, and, evidently, a bat flew out of her throat. _Classy._

She took a seat besides a rather plump child, who wore a blue cap and a red jacket. She leaned in towards him, (obviously unaware of his "personal bubble") smiled again, breathed out a breath of rather rancid proportions (which the boy suspected to be onions and rotten eggs) and waved casually, twiddling her fingers, her left ring finger falling to the floor. "Hi, what's your name? We should be friends!"

Kaylee's voice could sum up her whole appearance in a nutshell, _horrifying. _Her voice sounding like a drunken hippo's. (If hippos could talk, that is.) It was the most horrible of horrible voices the boy had ever heard.

Hesitating, he murmured a quick, "Cartman." "WhAT WUZ THAT?" She roared, her eyes spinning rapidly and drool dribbling down her chin. Cartman had no desire to converse with the disgusting _creature_ before him , so, thinking on his feet, he shoved Kenny out of his desk and onto the floor, and took his desk, as far away as possible from Kaylee. Kenny shouted a string of curses and got up begrudgingly, walking slowly over to Cartman's previous desk.

"WhaUZTS YOR NAAAEMEM!?" Kaylee demanded Kenny, her brow rising up and down in anxiety. "Mmmhmmngh" He muttered, his words muffled by his large jacket. "WHUTYOUSAY!?" Kenny muttered another string of cuss words and removed his hood. Birds chirped and a thousand angels sang a glorious tune of merriment and wonder as he did a dramatic hair flip.

"OHMYGOODGOLLYGOOSEYOU'REBOOTYFUL!" Kaylee exclaimed, jumping up and down out of her desk as a layer of slobber and mucus coated the whole class. Kenny made a face of utter shock and disgust and bolted towards the window. He opened the window hurriedly and jumped from the second story window. A thud sounded from the snow covered ground below, and the phrase heard 'round the world was exclaimed. "You killed Kenny!" "You..MEANY!"

KAY I'M DONE WITH THIS CHAPPY.:l TELL ME IF YOU WANT MOAR. KAYTHANKS.


	2. Chapter 2

"HOT MUOM, I JUST DON"T GET IT!" Kaylee whined, sitting at the dinner table. Kaylee had been brutally beaten by her class mates after the "Kenny Incident" and was covered in bruises and randomly placed bandages.

Hot Mom glanced sympathetically at her daughter, flipped her gorgeous mane of black hair, picked up a plate of gorgeously generic spaghetti, and set it in front of Kaylee. She sat down across from her daughter(who was devouring her generically generic entree) and shoveled a fork full of spaghetti effortlessly into her mouth.

"Kaylee, what did I tell you about manners?" Hot Mom asked, observing her daughter's grotesque eating habits. "OH YEAH," Kaylee lifted her head from the bowl, and replied, "DEM'S GOOD EATIN'!" as bits and pieces spewed from her mouth and coated the dining room.

"If only your father was here to see how much progress you've made.." Hot Mom said as she stared longing at a portrait of man with the appearance of a monkey.

"YeeeeeAH I MISS DADOO, WHERE'D 'E GO!?" Kaylee shouted, awaiting an answer.

"HOW COULD YOU ASK SUCH A QUESTION!? YOU KNOW HE FELL FOR SHAMU THE WHALE YOU FILTHY CREATON!" Hot Mom raged, getting out of her seat, kicking her chair back, and throwing her plate of spaghetti at her already injured daughter. She proceeded to run out of the room screaming.

"PMS OBVIOUSLY." Kaylee replied, shrugging.

* * *

Later that night, Kaylee was watching reruns of the Teletubbies when suddenly, the distinct ring of her Barbie phone sounded. She picked up the phone, and answered.

"HOWDY HELLO HOW ARE YOU!" Kaylee screeched, her eyes spinning and her tongue wiggling rapidly. Heavy breathing.

"WHATYOUWANT?" She asked. "OH YEAH, MANNORZ!"

"PLEASE WHAT YOU WANT THANK YOU?" She asked again. More heavy breathing.

"I'M GONNA CALL THE COPPERS OKAY!?"

"Yoooooooou are hot."

The voice finally replied, then abruptly hung up. Kaylee giggled and her hairy cheeks glowed a pink color. "MUH-OM I HAVE A SECRET ADMIRER MU-OM!" She screamed. She ran into the other room and was greeted with a heavy frying pan to the skull. Kaylee fell to the ground, unconscious..

OHNO NOW WHUT!?

TOBECONTINUED!!


End file.
